not enough

Being a mom to three has been harder than I expected. At first it wasn't bad, but this week I've started having guilt about not having as much time for the kids.I feel like there's not enough of me. I feel bad if I hold Josiah because Caylee's not getting the attention she wants and needs, so I've been putting him down a lot, only holding him when he's fussy or when he wants to eat. but then I feel bad not holding him and giving him the same amount of contact that the girls had. I might not feel so bad when he's a little bigger and is playing with things, right now I feel like he sleeps as soon as I put him down so by putting him down I'm making him sleep. Just feels rude. Then I try to fit in playing with Lexi too, which is a chore all in itself, then there is the rare cases like this where I want to write a blog or do something for myself that I need two hands for. Then I'm not spending time with any of them! 

Caylee has started to act out when I have to stop playing with her or stop holding her to pick up Josiah, the other day she peed on the couch because her and I were playing/snuggling and Josiah started fussing because he needed to eat. When I put her down and took him to change his diaper she immediately peed. Lexi has started copying Caylee's bad behaviors trying to get attention, even if it's negative. it's oh so annoying, but just makes me feel like I'm neglecting them.  I wish I had some Jublo Goggles that could show me just how to balance them, or that would look into the future and show me they will be just fine sharing me!