Beyond exhaustion

I don't think I realized just how exhausted I could get until this week.  I have only been getting between 5.5-6 hours of sleep a day, it's making me want to get a grind and brew at coffeemakers.com. Seriously, it's hard to even explain to someone how crazy life is when you have a child in the hospital and three more to care for.  I have been waiting to find some routine, waiting for life to just calm down, and today I realized it's not going to until we can take Hosanna home.  Our day is full of pumping, visiting Hosanna, playing with the other three kids, eating, more pumping, more playing, more visiting and more eating. Throw in there the fact that my husband is trying to get some stuff done that he had committed to, and the fact that we are all in one room and you've got my life for the next few months.

It's hard to not feel guilty when we miss a care time with Hosanna, or if I'm getting to hold Hosanna then i feel guilty that I'm not with the other three kids. I made the decision today to skip Hosanna's 10:30 care time in an attempt to get a little more sleep. I know I am going to have a hard time not going as it gets closer and closer to 10:30.  That's just how I am. But 6 hours of sleep is not enough for me, and I've been trying to fight off a sore throat, I cannot get sick, i will be absolutely useless then.

So for now it's eat, pump, visit play. repeat. every day for the next who knows how long.