the good, the bad and the ugly

I faced two of my biggest labor and delivery fears with this last blessing of mine. For as long as I can remember when i thought about having a  baby I said I'd want a natural delivery with no pain medication. At first that was just the stubborn, strong attitude in me, then when I got pregnant I started some research and decided yes, a drug free birth was what i wanted for my little one.  One of the reasons was because the thought of a needle of any sort going in my back scared me to death. and when people talked about c-sections- that was like a cuss word to me. NEVER! When I went into labor with her at 34w 4 d, I held my position even through the pitocine contractions.  Recovery was a little rough, I tore and I remember being really sore for a few days, maybe a week.  It wasn't as bad as some mothers who break their tail bone and need donuts or chair pads, or have horrible tears and require tons and tons of stitches.

Baby # 2 came along, and I stood my stance on pain medication. No drugs for me! This was by far the best labor and deliver and recover I've had with all 4 kids. I kept waiting for those terrible contractions I remembered from my first delivery, and sitting on the couch at 2am I started to feel the urge to push, we barely made it to the ER when I delivered my second daughter. I didn't even have an IV for this one. I had a 2nd degree tear, got some stitches, but within hours I was up and ready to walk the halls. No pain and no discomfort.

Baby #3 came and again, a natural child birth was what I wanted. I still hated the thought of an epidural and c-sections scared me to death.  I made it through the labor and delivery fine, drug free. We had some complications afterwards that required medical intervention and caused my recovery to be longer than i would have chosen, but as far as the labor and delivery, it was great.

So naturally, when we got pregnant with #4 I was going to aim for a delivery like #2. staying at home as long as possible and having a great, natural labor and delivery in an attempt to have a quick, easy recovery. After all, I had 3 kids at home to care for.  I was still scared to death of a c-section, women I know who have had them I thought were amazing and strong, I knew I'd pass out if there was mention of me needing one.  After all, that required a needle in your back AND being cut open...

I am so glad I had no clue what God had in store for us.  Being informed at 27w5d that there were issues with your pregnancy and there was a small chance they'd have to deliver the baby within the week if they couldn't resolve the problems was not on the birthing plan. A week of doctors appointments was not scheduled. Three ultrasounds later (within 5 days) we were informed I was going in for a c-section that very day.  There was nothing natural about this. and there was no labor. I wasn't sure what to think or do. 

They decided to wait till morning for the ultra sound so they could get some blood in case I  (or baby) needed a transfusion. I had a whole night of monitors, IVs and thoughts.  I had a million doctors talking to me about procedures, what they might expect, what might happen, what was worse case scenario, best case scenario. I had OR doctors, NICU doctors, anesthesiologists... the list goes on.  Yes somehow, even knowing I was about to face my two biggest fears, I had peace. for the most part.

When morning came I went in for my c-section. first came the spinal. I think i was more afraid of that at that point. Within an hour I was wheeled into recovery waiting for my legs to regain feeling. I had survived, and it wasn't AS bad as I had thought. but I would still never wish a c-section on anyone. mostly because recovery completely stinks.